Identity

I'm tired of basing (or trying to base) my lifestyle off of modern Christian conventions. I've known my whole life that my personality and spirit don't align with the majority of Christian women who I thought I should model myself after. The same can be said of my peers. Looking back, I could hardly relate to any of them.

But I'm also tired of that attitude of self-pity. I'm at a point now where I realize it's bringing me down to try and make myself one of them. I'm so desperately trying to free myself from the copycat mindset and accept who I am. Now I'm at a dead end. What and who am I supposed to be?

I thought identity crises were a middle school thing.

Where are all the Deborahs? It would help to learn from women that I can relate to. I know ultimately I am to model myself after Christ. But that just seems so...conceptual. Abstract. Too holy. I want to have an idea of what that looks like in a woman with similar attributes as me.

And why have I believed in frowning on working women? How are working women the irresponsible ones, not giving their children the ideal upbringing. Whatever that ideal upbringing means. Show me where it says the idealized Proverbs 31 woman can't work outside her home. Show me where it says she's sweet and gentle, or not witty and sharp.

Where did I hear that anyway?

 And on a side note, I don't believe a career makes a woman any better than the career mom. Maybe both sides need to stop one-upping each other, especially when they start bringing Jesus into it. Or maybe it's just all in my head. I don't mind the dishwasher, but God gave me talents and abilities besides it. I'll be darned if I let them go to waste by not doing what I think I'm to do with said abilities, for however long He wants.

I know I'm going all over the place. Micah 6:8 is probably a lot easier than I'm making it out to be.